The Atheist Pig

My favorite Fight Club and atheism meme.

I was hanging out one afternoon, and thought of all the idiotic things theists have said to me in the past. And then I was thinking about all the hurtful and stupid things that theists must have said to all of you. And then I was thinking about the new movie adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing, which was directed by Joss Whedon (atheist and super nerd).

But I digress.

So, I decided to write a list of the worst things you can say to an atheist. I went on my various social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, and Google+) and asked the godless what they thought.

Here are some of their replies. The atheist who contributed is given full credit  next to the quote.

I may just add a snarky line or two under the quote if the insult  rubs my nipples the wrong way.

10.  ”It [evolution] took 20 million years? Monkeys don’t live that long!” – Brandon Martlett @BrandonMartlett

There are times  I am gobsmacked by another’s lack of understanding and willingness to share that misunderstanding with the world. This would’ve been one of those times. So many things wrong. So many things wrong on so many different levels. How can one person stuff so much wrong in two sentences?

9.  ”So you don’t believe in anything?” – Adam Taylor from the blog Left Hemispheres

8. “Why are you mad at God?” – Sandra Fredine

7.  ”When we meet in the afterlife, you will look stupid.” –  Jean-marc Holsters

I’ve had conversations with otherwise rational people who seem to know what the afterlife’s policies and daily schedule will be. For example, I was hanging out with a few people, and I mentioned that I’m an organ donor. Once I’m dead everything that can be used should be used, if it’s going to help another person. A woman looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “I’m not doing that. I’m going to need them.”

Really?

6.  ”I have proof of God!” – Michael Chick @DrMichaelChick

5.  ”You can’t prove God, you just have to believe!” – Martin Pribble, blogger at Martin Prible, Attempting to Make Sense

4.  You did not have a genuine experience of salvation, or you were never a true Christian because if that were true you would have never left the Lord. – David Cortwright, blogger at  God is a Myth

This gets under a lot of atheists’ skins — especially those of us who escaped fundamentalism.  I cried uncontrollably (my parents had to be called in) when the crucifixion was explained to me when I was 7 years old in Sunday School. When I was 13 and at Jesus Snow Camp I decided to give up masturbation for Gentle Jesus. (That decision didn’t last too long. However, I did refrain from doing “it” on Sundays for quite a while as a matter of respect.) My mother was the church organist and my dad a deacon. I believed. A lot.

3.  ”I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.” – Rachel on Fire @redheadedlib22

Total. Fail.

2. “I’ll pray for you.”  - Outlier by Degrees @OutlierbyDegree

1. “You’re going to hell,” and, of course, all of its variations: “You’re going to hell, faggot;”  “No, really, you’re going to hell,” (as told to me at an Islamic comedy show by Allah’s own comedian and philosopher extraordinaire,  Azhar Usman.)

That was by far the most popular response

I hope you enjoyed this little bit. If you have stories of aggressive ignorance ushering forth from theists’ mouths, feel free to add them in the comments below.

Yes, I’m from the Boston area.

You can find me on Facebook

I’m on Twitter.

I just got on Instagram — having lots of fun with it.

  I was hanging out one afternoon, and thought of all the idiotic things theists have said to me in the past. And then I was thinking about all the...