IT’S WAR!
Gangsters take sides in the battles for the atheist blogosphere.
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) stated today that major US gangs are now involved in the Atheist Blogosphere Wars (ABW). The wars for godless dominance have been raging over the past several months over a variety of platforms: YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and, of course, blogs. Much like the Thirty Years War – the conflict that erupted in Europe between different ideological/political camps in the 17th century — the ABW can be seen as a series of conflicts embroiling different factions with their own agendas. Within the alliance known as Freethought Blogs (FtB) some elements take an assertive stance, while others prefer to let others to the fighting for them, and some all but declare neutrality. The various writers at the blog Debunking Christianity has kept up the pressure on their one time allies over at FtB. And Thunderf00t has been quick to defend wounded honor from his ejection at FtB. Atheist Revolution, which normally stays above such quarrels, has chosen to enter the fray. The ABW, much like the 17th century conflict that killed thirty percent of the German population, is sowing discord and chaos.
Enter the gangs.
Gangs thrive in chaos. The Latin Kings, based in Chicago, were the first to see the profit potential of supporting as well as protecting Freethought Blogs (FtB). “We saw PZ Meyers over at the University of Minnesota Morris to be in our sphere of power,” stated the Supreme Inca (national leader of the Latin Kings). “The FtB community offers support and protection for its members and in that way our organizations are similar. Latin Kings will make sure no one is disrespecting FtB, and in return our kids will have the best tutors available in evolutionary theory.”
When the Supreme Inca was asked if there was any resistance at FtB to the business partnership, he stated, “Nobody says no to us. I don’t care what your degree is in.”
In response, other gangs have scrambled to claim parts of the atheist blogosphere for their own. The FBI reported Thunderf00t now flashes the Bloods gang signs gratuitously even when using his melodious voice to explain the wonders of the universe.
The FBI reports it took Thunderf00t days to master this.
John Loftus, one time minister, author of Why I Became an Atheist, and creator of the blog Debunking Christianity is now under the protection of the Crips. An anonymous source in the Crips stated, “We are going to expand DC’s territory, and no one will stop us. Listen up, people, we got better internet filters than China. If you live on our turf you will get to know the philosophical reflections of our boy and none other.”
Of course, there have been some road bumps during the assimilation of the atheist blogosphere within the gangs. For example, after some gentle persuasion by the Crips John Loftus has been given of a series of gang tattoos and paraphernalia to wear. Here is a picture of Loftus taken by police after he was arrested for thinking in an un-Christian like manner in Tennessee.
No, Loftus wasn’t happy about the cross.
At this time, no one knows how long the East-Coast — West-Coast—Middle America atheist feud will last. However, one thing is for sure – the atheist community has provided a shining example of professionalism for the rest of us.
I’d like to thank my bud Andy Hall over at Laughing in Purgatory for this awesome bit of satire.
