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Meme for Monday

by The Atheist Pig on September 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

Posted In: Blog

I get a lot of religious nonsense on my personal Facebook page.

Have fun coming up with a different take on this.

BigsyNY

How about:
Dear God,
9 million children under the age of 5 die each year.
Love your mysterious way. Thanks for being there.
http://godsdeconstructed.wordpress.com/ Roger Ivan Hart

Dear God.
Today I woke up.
I still have Rheumatoid Athritis.
No thanks to you.
You bastard.
GregFromCos

My response would be: “You must really think heaven is a horrible place.”
Lee Kay

God: “I hear you. Will try again tomorrow.”
Codswallop

“There but for the grace of God go I” = “There BY the grace of God goes–someone else! Yay!” (Source: Christopher Hitchens)
http://www.codetunnel.com Alex Ford

Dear God,
Today I woke up.
I am healthy.
I am alive.
Thanks for not flooding the Earth and killing every living thing on it last night.
http://atheos-godless.blogspot.com Barry

Dear God,
Today I woke up.
My wife still suffers from constant debilitating pain.
My dog still has an inoperable tumor.
Fuck you, you sadistic bastard.
Goldarn

Dear God,
Today I woke up.
I am healthy, so thank you for not cursing me with boils or blindness or leprosy like believers say you do.
I am alive, so thank you for not killing me in my sleep like the children of the Egyptians or having your armies attack me because my great-grandparents chose to live in the wrong place.
Thank you for not being a dick today, like you have been on so many other days.
Chakolate

Dear god, If you’re real, please show it by striking dead the person who wrote that original silliness.
E.A. Blair

Dear God,
Today I woke up.
My wife is still dead.
Dave X

We are only temporarily able-bodied. All I can think of is this bit from Catch-22:

‘Be thankful you’re healthy’
‘Be bitter you’re not going to stay that way.’
‘Be glad you’re even alive.’
‘Be furious you’re going to die.’
‘Things could be much worse,’ she cried.
‘They could be one hell of a lot better,’ he answered
heatedly.
‘You’re naming only one thing,’ she protested. ‘You said you
could name two.’
‘And you tell me God works in mysterious ways,’ Yossarian
continued, hurtling over her objection.’ There’s nothing so mysterious
about it. He’s not working at all. He’s playing. Or else He’s
forgotten all about us. That’s the kind of God you people talk about
– a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless conceited, uncouth
hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running
through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old
people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world
did he create pain?’
…
Gordon

I go to sleep, I wake up, you can’t explain that.
Slugsie

Dear God.
I woke up today, still single, still not rich, and still about to lose my joke.
Fuck you very much.
- Slugsie
  
  Err, that should be ‘lose my job.’
  
  Although either one works.
Herm

Dear God,

Flippin’ magnets. How do they work?

Warm regards
Herm
http://gplus.to/thealphageek Alan Bombria

Oh Lord please don’t burn us
don’t kill or toast your flock
Don’t put us on the barbecue
or simmer us in stock,
Don’t bake or baste or boil us
or stir-fry us in a wok.

Oh, please don’t lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don’t fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat”

–Composed by Eric Idle and John Du Prez, authored by Graham Chapman and John Cleese
salahhe

Dear God
Today I woke up
I am healthy
I am alive
I am grateful to my doctors
You gave me cancer
Why ?
E.A. Blair

“Dear Praying People,This is God. I’m sorry but I can’t answer your prayers right now. Tim Tebow is fervently praying for me to help him complete his next pass, and has promised to do that little thing he does every time he thanks Me (he looks so cute when he does that).Your prayer is very important to Me. Please stay on your knees and the next angel, saint or deceased relative will be on the line to intercede for you.”
Mr. A.

Dear God:

Today my cat, the most loving, caring, sweetest, least judgmental creature to walk the face of the planet, whose body contained not a single unpleasant molecule, died.

He died from ‘unknown causes’. Not from any health problems. The vet did a full tox screen on him, everything. An otherwise healthy creature went into sudden shock and died. For no reason.

And animals don’t have souls? I wouldn’t be a part of a religion where this kind creature who knew nothing but love for everything else on the planet (he even refused to hunt or hurt bugs) doesn’t have a soul, or can’t get into the afterlife, but the hypocritical, hateful, spiteful, angry, wife beating, child molesting monkeys that ‘do’ supposedly have a soul get to go hang out in eternal enjoyment simply for turning off their brains and saying ‘you’re my saviour.’

Where were you when a full hundred people wept and prayed for this kind gentle creature to live, but you can’t be arsed to swat a few of the more useless members of humanity?

I’m glad you’re not real. If you were, I’d have to hate you.

go **** yourself, imaginary ‘friend’ for grownups.
- ladydisturbedone
  
  Nicely done!
Keem

Dear God,
someone still thinks am the cursed son of ham coz i look diffrent
my ancestors lived and died without ever hearing about you so they’re in hell’
But my momma told me you’re real and awesome so thanks.
Dave Dell

Dear God,
Today I woke up.
My arm is still missing.
Why no love for amputee’s?
Perhaps tomorrow Lord?
Flavus

Dear God,
Today I woke up, ’cause I bought an Alarm Clock,
I’m healthy, thanks in part to modern medical science,
And I’m alive, ’cause I’m conscience of my 1 life,
So thanks for nothin’, now piss off.
Elaine

Dear God,
Today I woke up
and found a mosquito bite
To the left of my upper lip and I pondered…
Why did [Y]ou make mosquitos and fleas
fleas, cockroaches, bedbugs and lice?
My friend who works at the zoo told me about
goat lice and similar species-specific parasites.
The Bible tells us that certain tribulations are
Designed (there’s that word again!) to test us.
Do goats go through similar testing? Maybe it’s
important for them to see the light too. I look forward
To hearing [Y]our illuminating answer someday.
Until then…
Love,
Itchy
ladydisturbedone

Dear God
I woke up today cuz my bladder could no longer hold my pee (which is why I wake every day)
I am healthy because I take care of myself
I am alive because I stay away from stuff that might end me
Thank you self

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