Tea Party Nation Blames Godlessness in the Latest Tim Tebow Fiascoon December 20, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Tea Party Nation has sent an email to all of its members stating that atheists are to blame for Tim Tebow not getting the starting quarterback position for the New York Jets. Tim Tebow, one time wunderkind and hardcore Christian, was rocketed to glory last season with the Denver Broncos as a much heralded dual threat quarterback.
Quietly, Tebow has dazzled the Broncos coaches with his deep understanding of complex offenses. When he showed up to the team’s suite for his interview with the staff at last year’s combine, he immediately rattled off the principles of his offense at Florida. But then he launched into Norv Turner’s digit system as well as the Patriots’ offense, which the Broncos were also using. The coaches were stunned. How had he learned all this? (source)
Obviously, it was divine providence that brought the mighty Tebow his mightiness. Much like Sampson, he dispatched his enemies with ease. With every victory Tim praised God with one knee on the field, which lead to the sensation known as “Tebowing.” At the pinnacle of his career 43% of the American public believed that God intervened in some manner to ensure Tebow’s victories.
However, the mighty have fallen. Mark Sanchez, the starting quarterback for the Jets, has been benched. Tim Tebow — who had been the backup quarterback — has not been given the nod to take over the lead job. He has asked to be traded to another team.
Enter Tea Party Nation
In an email sent to every Tea Party Nation member titled Barbarians at the Jet’s Gate, Jugghead Birdnow spells out what’s wrong in an America that allows one of God’s elect to get passed over for such a prestigious job: atheists. Dirty, nasty atheists.
In the old days this sort of foolishness would never have happened. Atheists, with their numbers and statistics and instant replays have destroyed the traditional faith-based foundations of American football (still the only real football). Where is the collective cry of injustice regarding Tim Tebow’s persecution? Not one outlet of the liberal media has gone on the record to depict this insult to Christianity. This is what’s expected when we have kicked God out of schools, and allowed the sins of homosexuality, evolution, and math in.
Atheists can be stopped! Here are a number of ways God-fearing Americans can fight the godless plague.
1. Home based football leagues. Take away the power of secular radicals in the NFL and play full contact ball in the backyard. Don’t wear any helmets or padding — that would be telling God you don’t trust in His divine protection.
2. Back Right to Work Legislation in your local municipalities. This will break the power of the player’s union and allow God’s invisible hand to guide the market. Capitalism will protect Tim Tebow’s career.
3. Call Evil out. Identify big E evil as Evil and not as little e evil. The Devil exists and has already undermined Tebow’s career. Satan’s next move may be to limit brain injuries in NFL players.
4. Wear NFL apparel to church. Let God know that you believe in Him and remind Him that football is the vessel for Jesus’ mercy. Here is a sample prayer to say:
Our Father, who loves America’s game
hallowed be thine and Tebow’s name
thy kingdom on the field come
thy will in every play
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day a daily game
and expand the season much longer
And lead us not to watch soccer
or turn the channel away from FOX News.
For football is thine kingdom,
heaven is the goalposts, and the pigskin forever,
Tea Party Nation has responded in force to the email with pews being filled last Sunday with players’ jerseys from all teams of the NFL. The only exception were New England Patriot fans who still maintain that Tom Brady is God.
Yes, this is a Poe.
This is one of my memes that I made a few weeks ago. I think it sums up my personal opinion concerning the War on Christmas.
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