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NOW I’m a believer

by The Atheist Pig on January 29, 2013 at 9:18 am

Posted In: Blog

Folks, I have to shut this site down. After reading this story, I’m a changed pig.

A young man working in the army was constantly humiliated because he believed in God. One day the Captain wanted to humiliate him before the troops.

He called the young man and said: – Soldier, come here, take the key and go and park the Jeep in front.

The young soldier replied: – Sir, I cannot drive!

The Captain said: – But then ask your assistant, God! Show us that He exist.

The soldier takes the key and walks to the vehicle while he prays … He parks the Jeep PERFECTLY and exactly where the Captain instructed.

When he got back from the Jeep, he saw the other soldiers crying. They said: – We want to serve your God!

The astoned young soldier asked what was going on? The Captain told him to walk out with him, he opened the hood of the Jeep and showed the soldier that he removed the engine.

Without blinking an eye, the soldier said: You see, Sir, that’s My God!

Via Divine Love Ministries

http://www.godlessbastard.com Jay

It never ceases to amaze me the bullshit these people will make up and the fantastic stories they will tell in order to bolster their faith in what they know to be patent silliness.
Blenster

A side note: Army vehicles don’t generally have keys. No one wants to go looking for the keys when the day goes from “boring” to “oh shit!”
http://www.glassEyeballs.com Gripp

What army are they talking about? No one is getting made fun of for belief in God in the US Army.
http://www.livejournal.com/dergeis/ Der Geis

[Citation Needed]

I mean, really. If the soldier was able to drive a vehicle without an engine that has the potential of being a full fledged miracle. Even the Vatican sends out inquisitors to test such claims and decide if, in fact, a miracle did occur. So, where was this? When? which army? Who was the soldier? Who was the Captain? What model jeep? Was the parking spot downhill from where the jeep started? Any photographs? Provide that so that we can verify it and we will have no choice but to believe in your god. Or maybe telekinesis. Or alien tractor beams.

Otherwise, “Twilight” is as valid a proof for the supernatural.
- http://hieotytymbw.blogspot.com/ William
  
  Unfortunately the Vatican removed the position of “Promoter of the Faith” (aka Devil’s Advocate, i.e. the person who looks at sainthood claims skeptically and pokes holes in the claims) in 1983, now if you are put into the process of canonization (assuming you make it that far) there is really no chance of being turned down, you almost definitely become a saint.
- Derek
  
  Weren’t those inquisitors once called The Spanish Inquisition?
Paul Durrant

There are so many things wrong with that it’s hard to know where to start.

Perhaps with the unjustified persecution complex: “constantly humiliated because he believed in God”. Ha! Like that happens in the US Army!

And then it just gets silly. It’s as if they have no understanding of the difference between a story and reality.
http://www.godlessbastard.com Jay

Couldn’t find it at devineloveministries.com but I dropped a note asking them if they knew the people who witnessed this miracle.

I know, but sometimes it’s fun to troll …
Gregor

What a great god to help a guy park a jeep but let people suffer and die all over that world at the same time. Magic tricks over humanity.
- Rose
  
  Man, you sure as hell got THAT right!!
- Derek
  
  Like any olde tyme snake oil salesman, he’s just playin’ to the local yokels.
salahhe

Wait, this sounds very familiar. Where did I read crap like this before? Oh, yes, the Bible.
Now, to be honest, my christian friends drive cars without engines all the time, I just choose to be an atheist to have nasty sex.
- http://www.godlessbastard.com Jay
  
  Where’s the queue for that?
- Brodie
  
  Are your friends amish driving horse and buggies? No engine required there. lol
PolarisNC

I’m a christian, and I get a lot of really stupid “inspirational” stories forwarded to me by family and friends. That one is beyond the pale. Thanks for sharing.
Jeff

As a Soldier, I find this to be utterly ridiculous. “I” get ridiculed sometimes for being an atheist…the vast majority of Soldiers in the Army believe in “A” God, most of them the Christian version. Next…no Captain is going to publicly ridicule his troop in front of other troops for fun. That’s not how shit works. Whoever came up with this garbage is probably afflicted with some kind of mental condition. Like…idk, organized religion.
mkilp

To paraphrase Roger Ebert, I hated this story. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this story. I hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant reader-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be inspired by it or take it seriously.
- Rose
  
  I second that, mkilp!
abysstekdiver

As an atheist in the military over 20 yrs, I can say I have seen bat-shit crazy logic like this used in the name of religious inspiration. I started fighting back several years ago. Whenever someone leads us in a prayer or ‘benediction’ I never bow my head. When they give thanks and praise to Jesus (they must assume that everyone in the place believes like they do) and then says amen, I give a nice loud “Shalom”just to screw with them. Of course there are other things I do to fight back like fighting for soldiers that don’t want to go to church, can get the same amount of ‘personal time’ as those that do attend.

There is a lot of this crazy religious mentality at the top. Several top military leaders have expressed their belief that our presence in middle east is a religious calling. If I am to understand this correctly we’re fighting over who has the better imaginary friend. Be afraid my friends. Be very afraid.
- Rose
  
  Scares the hell out of me!!
Rose

What a bunch of pure bullshit!!
Charles

This sounds like a scene from a new sitcom, “That’s My God!”, *cue laugh-track* haw haw.

It reminds me of the “gotcha” that all the little church kids would try on me when I was younger. It was always the same set-up and I could see it coming from a mile away. They would pop the subject while we were outside walking together by saying “But Charles, if there IS NO GOD…” then they would throw their arms wide to behold the sun or stars and sky, forests and hills and then say “WHO *MADE* ALL OF THIS?!” The look on their faces showed they expected me to be absolutely stymied and inspired. I could explain nature and physics or anything at that point and they would keep chirping “yeah, but who *made* all of this?” as though it were a point that *I* didn’t get. Boom headshot.
PaulMurayCbr

Hmm. The bad syntax, a soldier who can’t drive (who the heck can’t drive?), and all these guys with gods of their own that they are happy to abandon, or perhaps they are happy to add the christian’s god in addition to the others they worship.
I am thinking 3rd world, specifically Africa.
Funny how all the miracles happen in benighted parts of the world where people believe any old shit.
moongrimm

Well you can tell it’s a make believe. Because only in parables do Xtians succeed in confounding the unbelievers.

And not to mention, God would not such to occur, as it would have been a violation of “free will”.
Eldritchfan

Then I suppose believers would have no problem going into battle without bullets or other ammunition?
Dave Dell

They’re not selling hokum like this story. “Following the money” leads me to think Divine Love Ministries is selling “online bachelor degrees” to the gullible. Only my sense that it would be reprehensible to fleece the sheep prevents me from trying some sort of scam like that. The same thing applies to fleecing the tea bagging wingnuts. Just couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I were to do it.
Daisy Jane

Soldiers crying? What kind of crappy, wussy soldiers are these? I would hope if anyone saw a group of soldiers crying over a parallel parking job they’d turn a fire hose on them.
moongrimm

So, is Ulow God? Or just another freakazoid?
- The Atheist Pig
  
  Ha! No, it appears to have been a general hack that affected a number if WordPress sites. I guess they weren’t coming after me specifically.
Derek

That’s so laughable I thought an atheist made it up just for fun. But since it seems to be “christian truth” it solves the foreign oil dependency problem.
Derek

Maybe it was a Ford-built ‘Jeep’ with park-assist.
http://gmail.com Randomtechguy142857

You have GOT to be kidding me. You’re converting just for this?
What about all the evidence against religion?
What about God being a homocidal maniac?
What if, shock, this wasn’t actually a true story?
- Derek
  
  I suspect, and certainly hope, that the “believer” was mocking the story.
Taylor Anonymous Tafoya

You got this from the Amazing Atheist didn’t you?
Derek

Is the misspelled “astoned” supposed to be “astonished” or “stoned”?
http://www.facebook.com/phindex David C Williams

Wow… that’s amazing. I would have been astoned too.

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