So I’m still having issues with the RSS feed. Today’s comic is an old version that I deleted, but while the correct version is on the site, the wrong one is showing up in the feed.
Don’t know why it how it’s pulling a comic that should have been deleted, but it did and I don’t have a fix for it yet.
Roswell, New Mexico A joint press conference was held earlier today by the Theological Institute of Technology (T.I.T.) and Americans Against Alien Saucer Supremacy (A.A.A.S.S.). They announced a major breakthrough on the infamous Roswell-Area 51 cover-up. “Not only do we have conclusive, verifiable evidence of an alien ship crash landing in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947, but that the alien inside the craft was executed after a military trial,” stated AAASS President, Alfred Gammon.
Undercover video of the secret military base Area 51 clearly shows a variety of alien devices that were reversed engineered to produce our modern day technological society. Here is an example of one invaluable bit of tech that the alien ship bequeathed us.
However, the myth that the alien who crash landed in the desert was killed on impact is untrue. The naive idea that the visitor from another planet was peaceful is also another fable. Newly revealed documents show that only one alien was on board the craft. This being called himself The Adonai. Because of The Adonai’s peculiar speech patterns, scientists could never determine if The Adonai was the name for His particular species or even if The Adonai was one being or a multitude of creatures.
For example The Adonai stated, No one hath seen the Adonai at any time; the only begotten Adonai of The Adonai, which is in the bosom of The Adonai, he hath declared him. This seems to imply that the alien may have been a four dimensional being that could exist in several places at once in our three dimensional space, or that the poor creature had Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD).
However, one thing was certain about our alien visitor: He was evil and planning to enslave the human race. “The Adonai clearly saw homo-sapiens as an inferior race who was meant to do little else than to act as The Adonai’s gardeners on Earth,” stated Andrew Canard, Theologist in Chief of TIT. “The Adonai clearly stated as much when He said The Adonai will have man in the Garden of Earth to tend and watch over it. ” Documents further report that The Adonai was planning to use force to make sure His will was going to be done. Here is an excerpt from The Adonai’s threats
But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring on you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and sap your strength. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you,and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
“‘If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of your land yield their fruit.
“‘If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me, I will multiply your afflictions seven times over, as your sins deserve. I will send wild animals against you, and they will rob you of your children, destroy your cattle and make you so few in number that your roads will be deserted.
The military leader at Area 51 had heard enough from the monomaniacal and clearly evil other worldly being. It was considered too dangerous for The Adonai to be present at his own trail. The superior being was kept busy reading a variety of Superman comic books. (It was hoped that stories of another alien being who had landed on Earth would make The Adonai not act so douchey.) Ultimately, the court decided that The Adonai presented a real and present danger to the United States of America as well as the world. If allowed, the creature would enslave billions to live a life of toil and slavery that would rival the dictatorial regimes America had fought so hard against in World War II.
It is suspected that the battle that ensued in the depths of Area 51 obliterated the records on how the monster was defeated.
But defeated it was.
TIT’s Andrew Canard stated that somehow the story of The Adonai escaped the military base, and that there are currently followers around the world of the creature’s warped philosophy. “People will believe in all sorts of thinly disguised shit.”
Yes, this is a Poe.
I got the idea for this when I was at a local atheist meetup group when my buddy mentioned that if aliens came down and had the same attitude as Yahweh, we’d have to kill them.
Biblical based political philosophy
This is one of my more blunt memes. I don’t like tossing Nazis around for no apparent reason, but the big guy seemed so appropriate for this Bible verse.
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Pope Benedict XVI has decided to quit being the Kingpin of Catholicism, the Mullah of the Mass, the Crown Prince of Pedophile Apologetics…
Well, you get the idea.
While Pope’s Benedict’s hands are clean of any wrongdoing (that’s what happens when you wash them with the tears of rape victims), his predecessors have had checkered pasts. Let’s take a look at some of history’s Popes Gone Wild!
Pope John XXIII, otherwise known as Antipope John XXIII, became the third pope during the Western Schism at the turn of the 15th century. There were two popes already, one in Avignon, France and the other in Rome. Baldassarre Cossa, who would become John XXIII, grew up in a humble household, and joined the family business — piracy. Two of his brothers were convicted of the crime, but Baldassare was a wunderkind and eventually got his doctorate in law. (Personally speaking, I think there is clear career path from pirate – lawyer – pope.) He was part of the Council of Pisa which tried to end the schism by firing the other two popes and electing a brand new one, Alexander V. Alexander V died, and Baldassarre became Pope XXIII. It all ended badly, of course, and Pope John XXIII was arrested and charged with — you guessed it — piracy amongst other crimes. He was officially de-poped and imprisoned only to be released and made Cardinal-Bishop of Tusculum.
You can read more about Pope John XXIII on Wikipedia, the Catholic Encyclopida, and Beyond the Yalla Dog
Pope Alexander VI (pope from 1492-1503) was in the faith business for the girls, the gold, and the glory. The man had many mistresses and fathered four children (ahem, that we know of). How bad was is holiness? This is what the Catholic League had to say about him when Showtime was running the show The Borgias. “Rodrigo Borgia, who became Pope Alexander VI, was an extortionist who led a life of debauchery, fathering four illegitimate children. That he was a disgrace to the papacy is not in question; …”
But what was the fuss all about? Here is an example of this pope gone wild.
…50 dancers were invited to slowly strip around the pope’s table. Alexander and his family gleefully threw chestnuts on the floor, forcing the women to grovel around their feet like swine; they then offered prizes of fine clothes and jewelry for the man who could fornicate with the most women. – Joust of Whores
The first two popes were not nice guys, but their piracy and womanizing are misdemeanors when you consider Pope Nichoas V’s (pope 1447-1455) contribution to world history: * the Papal seal of approval to slavery. This papal bull was the official approval letter sent to King Alfosno V of Portugal that he had a blank check to do what he wanted over newly gained territories in the Americas as well as any lands taken from Islam. We [therefore] weighing all and singular the premises with due meditation, and noting that since we had formerly by other letters of ours granted among other things free and ample faculty to the aforesaid King Alfonso — to invade, search out, capture, vanquish, and subdue all Saracens and pagans whatsoever, and other enemies of Christ wheresoever placed, and the kingdoms, dukedoms, principalities, dominions, possessions, and all movable and immovable goods whatsoever held and possessed by them and to reduce their persons to perpetual slavery, – Romanus Pontifex 1455
Here is the Wikipedia article on Romanus Ponitfex and here is the letter in its entirety.
Stephen VI (pope from 896-897) had a flair for the dramatic. His nicknames could be: Steve the Strange, Steve the Mad, and That guy who dug up the corpse and put it on trial. Yes, Stephen the VI disliked the previous pope, Pope Formosus, and gathered the priesthood of Rome to formally charge the dead man (did I mention the corpse had been in the ground for 9 months?) in what became known as the Cadaver Synod. Curiously enough the deacon who had the ignominious job of defending Formosus was unable to convince the court of his client’s innocence. As punishment the cadaver’s three fingers from his right hand (the blessing fingers) were cut off, and the body was dragged through Rome and dumped into the Tiber.
Here is the Wikipedia file on Stephen VI Here is Warren Zevon’s Excitable Boy
Pope Urban II (pope from 1088-1099) was responsible for the barbarian invasion of the Holy Land that is commonly known as the First Crusade. The Byzantine Emperor asked for assistance from his brother in Christ, and was hoping to get some help fighting the Turks in, well, what is now known as Turkey. What the Byzantine Emperor did not expect was a mob of poorly washed, barely literate (and that is stretching the term literate) lunatics crossing through his territory to set up shop (the Latin Kingdoms) in the Holy Land.
How did Pope Urban mobilize such a force?
He gave everyone who went on crusade a moral blank check. If you were going on crusade all of your sins would be absolved. Even if you died in transit and never set foot in Israel, all those sins would be washed away and you would be guaranteed to get into heaven.
“Let those who for a long time, have been robbers, now become knights. Let those who have been fighting against their brothers and relatives now fight in a proper way against the barbarians. Let those who have been serving as mercenaries for small pay now obtain the eternal reward.” – Pope Urban II
This sort of attitude engendered the worst type of behavior in in the Christ-centered population. Many realized that Muslims were very far away, but Jews were very close. Why not do some pre-crusade purging? As an added benefit, the faithful got to steal the victims possessions as well.
Here is the Wikipedia article on Urban II and here is the Wikipedia article on the Pogroms of 1096
I know there will be many of you who will wonder why I didn’t mention Benedict XVI’s long list of sins or that Nazi Pope. Both have been well documented, and I didn’t want to go for the obvious. I know that many of you have your personal favorite pope, and feel free to talk about him in the comments.
I came up with this meme the other day after hearing various hand wringing commentaries on who will be the next Mayor of Pedophile Town.
And here is my Google+ account.
* Yes, there were other papal bulls endorsing slavery.
A few readers have alerted me to the fact that the comics are not showing up in the RSS feed. I’m working on a fix and hope to have the issue resolved soon.
Thanks for the alert.
UPDATE! I think I have the problem licked. Let me know if there are any issues.
Folks, I have to shut this site down. After reading this story, I’m a changed pig.
A young man working in the army was constantly humiliated because he believed in God. One day the Captain wanted to humiliate him before the troops.
He called the young man and said: – Soldier, come here, take the key and go and park the Jeep in front.
The young soldier replied: – Sir, I cannot drive!
The Captain said: – But then ask your assistant, God! Show us that He exist.
The soldier takes the key and walks to the vehicle while he prays … He parks the Jeep PERFECTLY and exactly where the Captain instructed.
When he got back from the Jeep, he saw the other soldiers crying. They said: – We want to serve your God!
The astoned young soldier asked what was going on? The Captain told him to walk out with him, he opened the hood of the Jeep and showed the soldier that he removed the engine.
Without blinking an eye, the soldier said: You see, Sir, that’s My God!
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